To Be a Mother

It is not easy, my dearest,
If you think it is easiest
To be a mother, loving you,
Protecting you, bracing yourself.

I may not be the mom you like
But you will always be the one
A progeny I had conceived
That I will cherish all my life.

You are a part of our being
Somewhat a replica of us
An upshot of our deep union
Your father and I had fashioned.

It is not easy, beloved,
To think how to take care of you
To protect you from the perils
Preserving you ‘til the time comes.

Do not ignore the true counsel
I ask of you to listen well
Do not undervalue our love
Nothing compares to it ever.

The world is waiting for youngsters
Who eagerly yields to its cry
The world awaits for the virgin
Snatch them away to yonder.

I cry, how I cried, my dearest,
As you depart from my keeping
I shouted, shouted, my tears dried,
This encounter, very strange.

Being a mother is arduous
Giving my life is not enough
You do not appreciate it though
Does it matter, not your concern.

I loved as a loyal mother
I loved very much that it hurts
Perhaps I should have kept something
For my self that it would not hurt.

But that is how I love my kids
Dainty they were before this time
Corrupted they will be, I fear
Still will love them faithfully.

To be a mother, I love it
A wonderful feeling of sense
I pray that the Lord will always
Guide me… to be a better mom.

He Breathed His Last

The phone rang with panic
Like a warning
It was mother
He had to be rushed to
A hospital
Waiting for him
As if expecting him

Poor father, what pity!
I held your hand
You held my hand
‘I am here, can’t you see?
Oh, do you feel
The sudden fear,
Open your eyes, I plead!’

Not a stir from him
Even a sound
Could not be heard
Only a tear from him
Hacking my heart
Gripping with pain
The sum of what he felt

A month was like a year
We saw him die
Everyday
They say he still could hear
What use? I asked
But I whispered
A lot, prayers for him

Then all came to a halt
He was weary
Gave up the fight
His body was so cold
Useless machines
He breathed his last
Seemed a long time ago…

Premature Love

Cupid
was mistaken
releasing the arrow
early

Oh, child
You are wounded
to fall deeply in love,
ill-timed!

Listen!
This ought not be
Cupid was blindfolded
Naughty

Oh, sighs
from a ‘lovesick’,
from a mother who frets,
upset

Behold!
Future awaits
Be slow, be on guard
Oh, child

For April 23

(a first-year anniversary poem having a boyfriend, year 1984, and I was in Romblon, having a vacation because Papa required me to be there)

As I walked along the
rocky and dusky road
With the blue sky and
the vastness of the sea
With the fresh air and the
myriad rocks on the shore
I remembered I was
only dreaming then
But here I am, before
these wondrous things I dreamed…

It is always like that
having your dreams fulfilled
It comes with a shock, and
with a tear, a longing
Though fulfilled it maybe
you still yearn for
something, sometimes
it causesyou to resent your choice…

Sad to know things easily
debilitates me
Like the alchemy, the
aches of being in love
Like having the doubts of
a neophyte like me
What does kismet really
intended us to be?

Why does anachronism
be upon me now?Why rob us of the chance
to be with each other?
When we have waited along
for this moment
Or was I the only one
with this true love?

Tonight will be another
beautiful one
Again I will count with my eye
the stars in heaven
And wait for another day
to come and rise
With stringent Auld Land Syne
eyeing me always

I hate to say these but
I have to eager ones
The stars in heaven
are unreachable
so don’t try
So with the sea
with its depths and perils
One day you’ll find you
are devoured without knowing…

I profess it is wrong to have
people run my life
Making my own decisions
and assertions
Feeling like a robot amidst
the humans with cruel eyes…
or above suspicion?

But with the luxury
of your love and passion
I have learned to accept
these things decorously
For I shall never enjoy
everything in my life
Without the thoughts of you
anytime, anywhere

from D

Freakish image I convey lying beneath a mortal facade,
implored to reckon within myself
I’ll never know the feeling of what everyone holds closest to wealth;
love is far beyond my grasp, a sentiment yearning
I could never hope to clasp.
So alone I tread weary and doomed,
nothing within myself and nothing presumed;
I continue on this absurd fool’s quest,
until the inevitable time when I am at peace and clutch my breast.
Living on borrowed time my senses I forgo,
for I realize I died from my wounds long ago;
scratching my way through this bleak world mortalized,
my emotions abandoned me leaving my feelings paralyzed.
Any shining hope is quickly vanquished,
in a flash of my mind all care extinguished;
why can’t I learn to accept any thought of positive appeal,
duly noted against my pride when I won’t allow myself to heal.
Perhaps some day I will submit,
and allow my body to cease functioning and merely quit;
until that time doth arrive,
I continue on though not quite alive.